Why Would I Want To Do This Again You Ask?

I'm a little crazy, is this news to anyone?  Haha, really there is a huge crazy test that I took at the start of each journey.  I'm assuming that by passing that means I'm not crazy.  But really to pass it I think a person has to have some level of crazy in them.   I know I'm doing this for all the right reasons, but I'm sure many people have a strong opinion on what I'm doing.

When I got pregnant with my son 7 years ago it was a huge surprise to me and his dad.  We were not trying.  For a couple like us to get pregnant all it takes is a six pack of beer and some flowers.  For the type of couple I'm going to have a baby(s) for it takes sooooo much more than this.  Before I got pregnant with Dean I didn't want kids.  I was dead set on population control and not bringing kids into a world "like this".  I couldn't afford a child at the time and I was young (25).

With in seconds of finding out I was pregnant all my views changed.  I could add one more child to this over populated world.  I was still only replacing his father and I with 1 human.  That's still down sizing right??  Now that I was pregnant I could save all the money I was spending on going out and trips and just living a single life.  All that money could be spent on my new obsession, "The Baby".  What about love?  I  had so much love for this little embryo that I could have exploded.  I'm surprised I didn't.  So there you go- I could have this baby.  I had the most perfect pregnancy and birth with Dean.  I got a little morning sickness in the beginning and huge elephant ankles in the end, but that was it for the complaints.  I basked is the attention and pampered myself every second of the way.  I didn't want to miss or forget one second of it because I knew he was going to be my one and only.

After I had him I took all the effort I put into my pregnancy and put that effort into him.  He was such a hard baby!  He's so lucky I was available to him 24/7.  There was no way I could leave him with a daycare with him being so colicky.  So, I quit my job when he was 5 months.  I went back to work for 2 months after my 3 months of staying home with him.  Some people can't wait to get back to work and have some freedom.  Some people  think they're not themselves without a career.  I wasn't myself with a career.  My career is being a Mommy. Even if it's only to one little boy.

I wish I could justify having more children for myself.  I'd be a great mom to them and there would be endless love for as many as I could bring to this world.  But the Julie from pre-Dean still puts up a good fight.  I shouldn't be over populating this already over populated world.  We can only afford 1 child comfortably.  I want Dean to have everything at his fingertips.  I don't ever want him to NOT experience something because we don't have the money for it.  By choosing to have him we chose to make sure he could have everything, like a college education.  Plus- he HATES babies.  I ask him all the time if he would like a little brother or sister and he says NO.  So don't ever feel bad that he's being deprived of a sibling that he never wanted.  I make sure he's around other kids all the time.

After having Dean I finally found something that I was really good at.  Being pregnant was easy and something I really loved.  "Too bad it's going to waste" was something I said a lot.  When Dean was around 18 months old I was at the gym running on the treadmill and letting my mind wonder.  I did all my best thinking on the treadmill.  I was wondering what I would do if my legs didn't work for me the way they did.  I take things for granted like that all the time.  For the most part I have a very healthy body.  I never need to see the doctor and I barely ever suffer from something as small as a cold.  At that time I had just started getting my periods back regularly.  I had breast fed Dean to 14 months.  I went another 2 months without my period and then it started coming back like clock work.

I also thought about how there were families out there that couldn't have babies like I could so easily.  It made me sad to think that if I loved Dean so much, and I didn't even try to have him, than the people out there trying like hell to have these babies that can't- must really really love them. (unfortunately that isn't always the case.)  That's when I came up with the hair brain idea to start asking all my friends and family if they wanted me have a baby for them.  I didn't want the baby, I just wanted to be pregnant again.  Before this moment I had never once looked into knowing what surrogacy was.  Didn't know, and didn't care.  Once the thought entered my head I knew instantly I had to do it.



Gay couples.  I had many gay friends in my life and had never had issues with the people being gay.  If anything I would like to think of myself as an advocate for the gay communities.  Doing this for a gay couple would be the best option for ME.  This was a scenario that I could see myself in very comfortably. That's when I found Circle on line.  It's a surrogate agency dealing mainly with the gay community.  It was the first and only application that I filled out with an agency.  I got shot down almost instantly.  At the time I lived in NY and by law a person can not be a surrogate in the state of NY.

Long story short we were planning on moving back home to CO anyways.  This just added fuel to the fire.