Insurance Explanation of Benefits and Exclusions Booklet

That's a mouth full to say every time you call someone or e-mail to ask for it.  This booklet has been a HUGE thorn in my side for the past month.  It is something that is VERY important that the lawyers have when drawing up the contract and legal forms between myself and the intended parents.  In simple terms it tells them if my insurance will cover my surrogacy or not.  I just wish someone (anyone) with UHC knew what I was talking about when I called and asked for it months ago.

Dean and I have been on the hugest wild goose chase to get this booklet for what seems like months now.  I guess it has been months since I started doing paperwork to sign back up for this surrogacy back in July.  I started out by calling my insurance company, you know the 800 # on the back of the card.  I found out that every person I got on the phone would tell me a different story.  One would say I had to go threw my husbands HR department to get the information she "thought" I was asking for.  Everyones insurance plans are different and catered to which company the employee is getting it from, so only Deans work place would know their own plan.  Another person from UHC that I got on the phone said I had to send them a letter in writing that asked for the plan and then UHC would take it under consideration and send me a copy.  They said that it could take up to 10 weeks!!

So after all the confusion I found out that I DO have to go threw Deans HR department.  But I can't do it, Dean has to call them and be the one that talks with his HR person.  I can understand that.  There's just one woman there and she is BUSY BUSY BUSY.  A couple of months ago I wrote down all the different terms that this booklet is called and sent Dean to his HR department to find it.

Fast forward 2 months- I still have nothing.  Twice a week I ask Dean if he's gotten the booklet yet.  He keeps telling me: His HR woman's too busy, there just is not a booklet ever made- I'm crazy, they stopped making the booklet and I can find it on line.  If I could find it online I would have done that months ago!!!  I DID do that months ago!!!!  I sent everything I found on line to the agency and none of it was good enough.  It got to the point that we were fighting about it when he would come home from work.

Last week I had enough excuses why we couldn't get the booklet.  I felt like Dean was sabotaging this journey that I was starting.  He WAS the one that came to me saying I should do this again and had his blessing and support.  I wasn't about to let everyone down over this.  We're in crunch time, legal documents are waiting to be written over this.  So I had someone from the agency call Dean and let him know how urgent this was.  I know it was going to make him mad and cause a fight, but I had to do want I had to do.  I really hated that this was out of my hands and it was wasting so much precious time.  We did fight about it later on, and in the end- I got the booklet a few days later.

Don't worry, we're not fighting anymore.  One thing I've learned from being a surrogate before is that it isn't all fluffy clouds and lolly pops.  Dean wasn't sabotaging me in any way.  He was just as frustrated as I was because his HR woman wasn't being helpful at all.  She was making him feel guilty for calling and bugging her so much and really not trying to help us.  Dean didn't want to tell her why he needed this booklet.  The people at his workplace don't need to know all our personal business.  Thanks to his HR woman they all know our business at Deans work and I really don't think that's fare to him.

At this very moment the booklet has been e-mailed to the person at the agency that's been asking for it.  I'm just waiting for the verification that what I sent him IS indeed the right booklet.  I've sent him so many things in the past couple of months that always turns out NOT to be the right thing that they are looking for, but "You're getting close" was something I heard every time.

Sometimes we really have to fight to make this happen.  This is only the beginning, so I need to save some if this for the rest of the journey.

It's official

I got an e-mail yesterday from the agency saying we were officially matched!  I have new baby daddies!  Now we just have to wait for our legal contracts to be written and signed and we can get started with the medical part of making this baby(s).  So for now it's more waiting.......................... tick tock tick tock.

I also talked to one of the baby daddies today on the phone.  We didn't get to talk that much the other day and it was great to just sit down and get to know each other one on one.  I told him a lot of my back ground. Where I've lived and what I've done with my family for the past 10 years.  He told me about his relationship and his work.  He's such an interesting guy.  He has a job that's much more exciting than my book keeping, that's for sure.  I guess anything's more exciting than book keeping, lol.  I can't wait to talk to him and learn more.

Now it's the other baby daddies turn.  I can't wait to get some one on one phone time to get to know him too.

So I guess for right now I should enjoy being injection free.  The shots are the only part I am NOT looking forward to.  I am also glad I'm not pregnant just yet because I want to ski a couple times this season before that's out of the question.  I was pregnant all of last winter and didn't get to go once.  

This morning I woke up very motivated.  I have a room in my basement that was covered in boxes that still needed unpacking and organizing.  I've lived in my house for 1 1/2 years now, but have been putting it off.  So now, thanks to hours of work, I have an area to organize all my pictures and keepsakes.  My goal is to make photo albums and get a lot of them in frames to hang all over my bare walls.  I also want to put together some scrapbooks for the twins.  Something with photos from my life and from the time we were making them.  I'm giving myself a goal of getting these made in time for their April 19th birthday.  I hope that's enough time hahaha!

First phone call with potential intended parents

Yesterday morning I had my first phone meeting with a set of potential intended parents.  I had seen their profile and they had seen mine and we decided we would like to talk and see how it goes.  We hit it off immediately.  The conversations came so easy, it was like we had talked a million times before.  That is definitely the connection that I am looking for.  One that comes naturally.  We talked for about an hour and I could have talked for hours more.  They are such nice and very interesting guys.  They seemed to like me a lot and were going to talk to the agency about a possible match being made.  So right at the moment I'm waiting to hear from the agency on what steps to take next.

I remember from last time as a surrogate that this is the time where there's so much to do to get everything rolling.  It seems like it takes so long, but really it's going by quickly.  There are so many people working so hard to put this together.  The match has to be made with not just me but an egg donor.  Then all the legal contracts have to be written and signed 10 times.  A fertility clinic has to be chosen.

One thing that the couple asked me from my experience was what would I like to give them for advice in the beginning.  I told them that from what I had experienced with my prior family and the failed transfers we had is this: get an experienced donor with proven fertility.  It does cost more to get a donor like that, but it costs even more to go threw failed transfers.  Not to mention the emotional toll it takes on the parents.  If anything it's a piece of mind to know that your egg donors eggs work.

It's so amazing when all this works and there are babies on this earth as a result of all the elements that have to come together perfectly to make them.  The biggest element being love of course :)